Monday, July 25, 2016

Simple Humble Advise From a New Mom of Two

I am a brand new mom of two! My son made me a first time mom in 2014 and I just had a darling little girl towards the end of may! So first and foremost, I don’t have everything figured out, my life is one hot mess so don’t worry about judgment! This is just what I have found to be true for me and I hope this post finds you well and can help bring a little peace and sunshine to your day!



Know what you need to be all right each day, and get it!

What I mean by that is, we all have one thing or a few things that we need on a daily basis that makes us feel human and sane. For me that is a shower and coffee…. now that does not have to be a 45 minute shower and a Starbucks coffee. Rather it’s actually usually a 5 minute really hot shower (sometimes with one or both kids sitting on the bathroom floor waiting for me!) and home-brewed coffee in my favorite hot pink travel mug! Don’t get me wrong I do love lattes and iced coffees from my favorite local coffee shop but that is just not feasible every day or even every week. When I don’t have these things I am not okay, I can’t function well and for that my family suffers. After all as a mom you set the tone for the household. If you are happy, the family is happy and the house is a little calmer! So take care of yourself first so that the family can be a family. In saying that, this isn't selfish, this is simply finding "that thing" that makes you feel like you can make it to the end of the day in one piece with your kids in tow. That may be having breakfast alone, washing your hair each day, or even sweeping your floors, but whatever it is for you do it! To accomplish those things, you might have to get creative. For example, make a weeks worth of breakfasts and put them in the freezer for you or wake up before the kids get up to sweep the floors, then maybe even climbing back in bed before they wake up!

Share Openly and Honestly

Lets face it being a mom is hard messy work! It doesn’t look perfect all the time, you don’t look perfect (skinny jeans, cute top, heels and hair all done) all the time, and your house certainly doesn’t look perfect all the time. If this is not true for you, then you hold the secret that no one else holds! I have found that the more honest I am about things the better I feel about them, and the more helpful feedback I receive. I used to hold tight to the notion that if I show flaws and problems that I was showing weakness, but I have found that to be very untrue! Admitting you need help or that things are not okay is a sign of strength. As a mom of a two year old who is way to clever and wise and a newborn with belly issues, I need help, advise, friendship, and kindness. What I don’t need is to look perfect on social media and at church on Sunday morning! Now as a side note,  on Instagram or Facebook, just looking at my pictures is deceiving! I am a photographer so it kills me not to take or use a good picture but take a bit to read the caption and you will see! I still find myself going over my newsfeeds seeing pictures and comments about how amazing this persons new baby is doing, and all the things that mom got done with her 3 kids and then thinking to myself wow they have it all together or it must be nice to have a child that sleeps 8 hours for you at 2 weeks old. I just have to tell myself that they are showing their best things for the world to see and they have troubles and flaws too! Don't stop sharing the good things that happen to you, because you need to do that too! Just don’t only share the good and the perfect, show the real!



Choose your Response
We all have those days that we are awoken by a child earlier then normal so the day just starts off on the wrong foot, you didn’t get your shower and you didn’t get your coffee before the chaos starts. So you skip the shower for now and you make the coffee with the baby screaming in your arms. Its in those moments when the thought of choosing joy for the day comes by hard, or maybe it isn’t even a thought at all! It’s in those moments I am learning to stop, breathe, say a prayer and decide that it’s a good day. I still get to drink my coffee, and at least I have a child to hold even if she is a screaming one! Or maybe the struggle for you comes later in the day when your toddler only wants to bounce all over you couch and reek havoc on your living room. You are ready to scream at them and send them crying to their room to think about how to behave, but what if instead you put aside whatever you were trying to get done and pull the pillows off the couch and play hot lava with them! The tone of your afternoon and your toddler just shifted into a laughing fun game which is sure to exhaust them for naptime, giving you the afternoon to finish the task you were trying to get done! Trust me this is not something I have perfected or are even remotely good at, it’s just something I am working on and have felt upon my heart to pass along. It brings me back to a quote I have loved forever and I am not sure who even said it, “everyday can be a good one if you choose it to be”. Yes! bad, annoying, sad, and frustrating things happen everyday, but there is something good that does too! It’s where you choose to find the emphasis and which moments you choose to live in. Real life example: I took my son and daughter out to a little coffee shop for lunch the other week, we ate outside at a little table watching the cars go by! I think I often take for granted how well my son behaves for being a 2 year old but that is beside the point. He finished eating and was just sitting watching the cars while I finished up. I was throwing the trash away and grabbing his hand to leave when a man siting also eating lunch stopped me and said “I just wanted to take a second to tell you how well mannered and behaved your son is, that is so refreshing to see these days, so keep up the good work”. So I get in the car in very good spirits, arriving home thankful and happy! Well that "well behaved"child didn’t last longer then a minute once we got home, in the hour before naptime we had 3 tantrums over nothing. My mindset when from a 10 to a 2 in less then 15 minutes! I put him in for nap and just sat with my daughter wondering how we can go from one extreme to the next, but you know what I stopped myself from going down that long dark rabbit trail which will ultimately ruin my happy day, and choose to hold onto the moment of joy when the man told me to keep up the good work! Don’t worry he woke up from his nap happy as can be.

I will end with a little word of encouragement that I use as my phone screensaver a lot of the time, because so often I find myself saying I have no clue how to raise these children, or that they are to overwhelming; this has got to be more then I can handle! It’s a Quote by Karen Ehman,

“God knew what kind of mother our children would need long before they were even born.”
Thanks for reading, now go choose joy for your day!

-Ashlee



This post was written by: Ashlee Zimmerman
authorI am a wife to Galen and mommy to Haidyn (2.5) and Lincoln (2 months). A little about me… I love to create in all forms (photos, cakes, dinner, painting, weddings, and the list could go on and on), Coffee is my favorite food group, I love the color yellow, Sunflowers are my favorite flower. Being neat and tidy is not my strong point, I love people, and most of all I love being around my family!
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